traces of the wind

tsunami, tsunami, tsunami...
the news people are glad that for the moment they are free from headlines headache. just throw in tsunami news from around the region and that's it. headcount of the dead, dollar count of the donations, plus some side news, and we are done, so they said.
the surviving tourists are taking pictures of the historical scene, the dead bodies and all that. woww.. i have been part of this important event, so they said.
some others are enjoying themselves with robbery and raping. empty houses. powerless women. chaotic situation. the stage is set for crime. let's do that now and we won't get caught, so they said.

well that's the negative side. the positive side is, of course, the overflowing donation that goes to show that there are still many kind souls in this cold world.

it's new year, i haven't sorted out my new year resolution though. i made a resolution last year to write diary. and with this blog, i think i have more or less achieved that. for this year.. well, maybe it's the resolution to go to japan, to find a job im made for, and, a lover, to complete me. is she the one? coz i have become more and more accustomed to her existence. let's wait and see...

well, rooster year.. but phoenix, or peacock, often symbolizes rooster in chinese tradition..

one thing about rooster, they r damn proud people who would sacrifice anything to retain their pride and integrity.

and that, sometimes, bring disadvantages to them.

they take pride in keeping their words and promises even when that means sacrificing something or someone they really love.. and who would know how hurting that is..

why phoenix chix? in romance of three kingdom, phoenix chix is the nickname of my favorite strategist, pang tong. he is said to be almost as brilliant as zhuge liang, the sleeping dragon. why not zhuge liang then?
coz pang tong has more carefree personality, he was so lazy with his routine works that one day zhang fei was so angry he wanted to beat pang tong up.
he is also not an ambitious person. he is juz a lazy bum that try to enjoy his life every day..
he hates to be undermined, especially by those whom he doesn't really rate. sometimes he would show his brilliance, but many times he was too careless that he didn't know it when he was leading his troops into the valley of fallen phoenix..

by the time he realized something was wrong and ask for the valley's name, he knew it was game over..

had pang tong not died, shu kingdom's faith may be different.

but phoenix never last long in this vain world..

finally, finish watching CCTV version of Tian Long Ba Bu. Hu Jun, as Xiao Feng, was so cool I think Xiao Feng is now my favorite Jin Yong character. Not that smart, but thru and thru, a true Hero and Man of his words.

Argh.. the last episode when he died, magnificent... speechless...
btw, the girl who played Wang Yu Yan, she got this rare kind of beauty... a must watch if u love watching wuxia with pretty girls and awesome heroes.. a no-no if u are a true jin yong's fan who adore his original work..

2 nites ago, i experienced yet another proof of women are not meant to keep their words. i don't blame my friend for her attitude, i couldn't, for i've let God down more than 1000 times, i couldn't keep my promises for more than 1000 times before Him, literally... at this rate, I could only forgive anyone for anything. as for me though, i will strive to keep my words before anyone, even if sometimes i fail...

on side note, elfanto, my high school 3 yrs classmate, got married.. my friend said his wife was quite good looking, well, must be a perfect match..
wish them well....

i don't know if this is related, but last nite my friend told me to read "wild at heart", saying that book would teach me how to appreciate a woman's value..
and suddenly i remember that i did a mistake by, out of my sudden burst of emotion, i claimed that women are not meant to keep their words...

i don't want to get into gender fight here, but like it or not, that's a fact that by statistic, u will find more samples of women going against their previous decision.. u want a proof? don't bother, thats natural to begin with..

BUT, I made a big mistake by saying that women are not meant to keep their words.. that was harsh, and did not justify some women who has shown tremendous commitment and determination.. Mother Theresa comes into mind.. and in a smaller scale, there are many girls around me who has shown more commitment determination that i could ever have..

and had it not been for unceasing prayer and unwavering love that comes from one woman who has been the source of my strengh from day one, i don't know where i will be today.. and for undermining that woman's value, i am sorry..

of course, even in my lil world i can also find men who don't really value the words they uttered out... indeed sometimes its easier in ur social life when u dun really bother about accomplishing what u say..

this morning, on my way to work, it crossed my mind that i got to get rid of this men-women thing coz, i dun want to see myself being fed up with certain gender and end up something worse...if u know what i mean..

life is easy when i make no judgement
life is easy when wind behaves the way wind should behave
life is easy when i forget about pride

and life is easy when we don't put ourselves as the center of attention..

don't think so..
in one way or another, our judgement on someone or something is always clouded, most often by our own ego or belief.
can there truly be someone who could and would make objective remarks on just about every single thing.
such person, if ever exist, would have few friends..

coz ppl always group themselves into some communities that share common belief. each community will most often clash with at least one other community with regards to their point of view.

and when these two clashing communities come together to judge one common thing, they would judge it differently even if some of their members actually have same point of view among each other, deep inside their heart.

they are just so clouded by their shared belief, solidarity, or ego of not wanting to share the same opinion with people they dislike, that they would value something somewhat against their own heart.

human you see.. are fragile, and selfish..

been missing those folks, it was great to have our first cellgroup this year.. great to see them all, and to have the cellgroup in nus was kinda nostalgic..

it was an inexplicably great feeling that filled me when i went down from the bus, that smell of air, that view of halls and campus.. and raffles hall... kinda regret it for not taking part in hall activities..

juz how far i have moved on from my sweet2 nus days.. can't keep wondering why i wasn't enjoying that much back then.. i mean, hey, i was leaving in such a great campus, with some great friends, and some love stories i could've developed which i didn't in the end..

the cell was great, share a lot, talk a lot, maybe it was the rite choice after all to sacrifice my pre arranged dinner with my other friends.. kinda regret for not making it, since i said yes initially, but then.. God always takes priority isnt it?

what a mess... and i mean, big mess!!! we just got our most promising winger caught for hitting a lamp post, thx to his drinking and speeding behavior. then there was this 2 years suspended transfer ban for using of illegal agent in signing quincy.. but that is still okay.. we are appealing and anyway, as long as we don't do such mistakes anymore, we would not get the ban.
the worst is of course, for some stupid reason, kolo is now banned for elbowing Shearer. how great is that? we got kolo banned JUST before the match against the dirty old red nose.

not that it matters though, if we were to perform the way we did against newcastle utd, we would just win the game. it was our top top performance, reminiscent of 03-04's unbeatable arsenal. vieira was, for once, back to his best. flamini was great, and bergkamp was of course, living up to his legendary status. the greatest thing of course, is to see how reyes scared the hell out of opponent's defenders with his runs.

by faith i can say that we can still win the league. Well, chelsea need to drop 11 points of course. just how much faith it takes..

it doesn't really matter either we are no.1 or 2 as long as we win the CL, which i know is impossible anyway..
but hey.. keep the faith...

i know this is bad.. but juz let me moan tonite God...
sometimes its hard to try to care bout ppl..
sometimes.. juz bcoz they r not in gud mood..
they dun respond 2 u, take ur concern for granted..
not that im expecting ppl to say:
"hey thx alot man.. thx for ur concern..bla3"
but then..
sometimes the reaction is, well if there is ever a reaction, so much that i was thinking,
maybe im juz bothering these folks..
so,
im not really interested in such bothersome affair..
if ever i ask someone 'r u alrite?' for couple of times,
to me its been lotsa hassle, coz i am a firm believer of the idea that if u ever got problem dun expect ppl to come to u, go to that person and ask for help..
not that i dun care..
juz think that if ever that troubled fellow care about himself, the first 'r u alrite' would already get into his head..
something like that..

i know i make mistakes, so i m not judging.. im trying not to.. coz i know the same measure would be used to judge me.. but lets juz say that im tired of all these..
sigh...

my friend said in one of our daily email thread that he was amused by the fact that someone can be subjective about this term called 'kindness'.. i do agree but, somehow i am never amused, coz in today's world, what can remain objective?

people lost their identity, juz follow the stream and they thot they can never be too wrong. and kindness? ah.. when you admire someone, whatever he does, you will find it more impactful than others. the jokes he make will sounds funnier, and his good deeds felt angelic. its all about whether you like someone or not. how do you judge whether he is likeable or not?
of course, its all about how your environment teach you and shape your taste.
you are just part of the mass production.
to do or not to do? to be or not to be?
whatever your answer is, most often it's a mass answer any other fellow beside you will give.
juz bcoz everybody else say so...