traces of the wind

for all my fondness of love-talk, i realize that only once did i really share my love with someone else. only once did i call someone my girlfriend. only once did i hug someone that dearly. only once did i kiss someone so heartwrenchingly.
my friend mentioned about her inability to really forget her first love, that sensation of doing those things for the very first time, which makes me recall my first
and only girlfriend so far.
i had the chance to go out with my her just few days ago when i was back at indon. so here's my tribute to her.

an adorable girl... she'd always call me bek2 and i'd always call her babi for some reasons..
she's got three most important thing that i look for in a girl.

i love her voice that makes me melt.. i am objective enough to say she got one of the most beautiful voice on and off the phone. i was not lying when i told her that i always miss her voice.

i love her eyes that speak thousands kind of emotion to me.. her pair of eyes are my source of understanding her feeling at any moment. i thot those poem maniac are being hyperbolic when they compare a girl's eyes with stars. now i know they are not.

i love her smile that i can't even manage to describe here. been falling for the long hair, short hair, the fair complexion, the lesser ones, the big and small eyes, the tall and shorter ones, but most of them have this quality: beautiful smile. i feel that any relationship will have to struggle thru many pain. sometimes those pains may be slightly unbearable. so.. that motivating smile is what it takes to keep me going.

on top of those, she thinks so much like me.. and amazingly, we speak the same language of love.. touches...

i always think i could never do for her as much as she does for me, every 'i am sorry' and 'thank you' is my part to say..

if only love is only about two people and no one else, if only life can be simplified into that, i would still be with her i guess..

but life goes on, and at the risk of getting cliche, she deserves and will find someone better..

i can't remember a single sadness in our relationship so far.. thank you for such a sweet first relationship..

thanks God..

i thot 15 days was too long for a holiday break, and i end up wanting to stay for more. i knew it, 15 days is enuf to make me fully adapting to jakarta and reluctant to come back to this cold steely city.

so what happened back there..
my grandpa's cancer got worse and the last time i visited him, he was already unable to remember who i am.
my dad hasn't got new job or business or whatever income source.
my bro joined a physics competition at bandung, qualified into semifinal. gud for him. wish arsenal can also qualify into CL semi.
my beloved babi got sweeter and sweeter. we went for a 'date' at TA, and then went to Manhattan Pub@Borobudur with her, plus her sister. it's ironic that i never go anywhere with her when we were an item, and now, only after everything is said and done, we got more time to go out together.
i met one of my closest friends during hi school, aryanto. he reminded me that we were together for 6 yrs and then we got separated for 6 yrs. lol. how romantic that sounds..
really miss those guys. rahmat, elien, aryanto, thx for the gud time guys..
first time ever went for a family photo session, or two family photo sessions to be exact. one for my graduation and one for my parents' 25 yr wedding anniversary.
God, may their love be strong as ever, and may they be living happily together, bai tou dao lao...

it ain't feel like me if i don't talk about meeting some nice fairies along my journey.
so, two creatures stood out lately.

now, i never know how it felt when you meet someone and your heart strangely start pounding and you start sweating out of the blue. not until i met a girl who worked at Seiyu 2 weeks ago. dun ask me why..

then, that Ex lady in black. went for a dinner@ Chopstix, with my hi school pals. and there, sitting graciously, a very stunningly noriko-sakai-like girl, wearing all-black. haven't met anyone who looked so much like noriko. now, noriko is my all time fave jap artist. guez this girl must be lil bit older than me. born in 1977, i suppose.

ever suffered a sudden heartache? you experience something that logically, shouldn't and musnt affect you a tiny bit but..
you end up losing half your spirit. suddenly you got so down and juz rite there where your heart biologically resides, you feel that tiny ache that refuse to disappear that easily..

what's with this ache? has that person turned out to be that important to you that you got affected this much?
come on.. stupid heart.. don't be a fool..

just finished ushering for asia oceania prayer convocation 2005, with mixed feeling. the next time Spore gonna host this event will be 2007, well, we've been doing this for 4 years. but i still have no clue why is this event so important. sad huh..

maybe i think too much, maybe not everything you do need a clear reason. maybe you are not supposed to ask that much..
and talking bout ushering, honestly i don't find myself really that useful at all for these 4 days..
i don't know if this is being egoistic or attention seeking, but i find it bit of time wasting when i help out in certain situation where my existence means very little.
i'd rather do the less popular jobs which almost no one would notice as long as my contribution counts more..