Entries for July, 2005

July 4th, 2005

a gud weekend

after all the mess... thing can only get better...
and it did.. i started off my saturday with a debute workshop for no apologies.. first time ever i facilitated such workshop.. the kids are from sec 1 n sec 2 boon lay secondary.. man.. they are so cute.. n that matthew.. he was acting like he knew all.. overall.. it was eyes opener, i learned how hard it is to facilitate this.. i should have prepared myself more instead of selfishly spending my thursday for my private matter..
i testified to them and i pray that they learn from all my experience, that they really took that commitment to stay abstain till their marriage..

then.. i went back and geez... back to my desperate state.. took a nap n when i woke up.. it was 9 pm i guez.. finally decided to open up the cabinet package and with help from my housemate n his gf's moral booster, finally we managed to assemble the stuff.. phew.. now, that was achievement =P

on sunday, i was helping out as backin vocal as usual... the first service, i really fought hard to lift up my spirit, i felt i was really struggling somehow inside...

n suddenly at the 2nd service, He whispered this to me 'come on.. I am your God.. i love you more than anyone does, and i, for one, has been faithful.. don't u think i deserve something better than the shattered you? i deserve the complete you!!'.. and that moment.. i really felt the spirit within me lifted up and i was glad i really worshipped Him with my complete heart.... thx God.. U r awesomely sweet.... as always..

n before i went back.. i stopped by cityLink to get a sketch book.. a sketch book i will name 'the days we meet'.....

God, you see, has made everything beautiful in its own time..

Posted by phoenix_chix at 06:56 PM | Add a Comment

July 6th, 2005

fight a good fight..

my grandpa passed away on friday, 70 something. my friends' condo mate, a teenage girl, passed away yesterday. both had finally lost their battle againt cancer. it's frightening, how things could happen in 1 week. it was only last week that i mentioned to my friend how i wanted to visit the poor lil girl. i never managed to see her. i don't like going to funeral coz there is nothing left to say in funeral.

between them, there is about 60 years of difference. my grandpa's journey has been much longer than that girl's. grandpa ended his life journey, regretting how he had failed totally in raising his one and only son, his biggest pride. his son went astray, involved in all kind of wrong things n ended up murdered. his 7 daughters.. 1 died of sickness and the rest, well if got married means job well done then.. yes.. his job was pretty much well done. the teen girl, on the other hand, probably ended her life journey regretting she had not even tasted how it feels to fall in love, get married, and raise children. 

when they meet in heaven, n asked  'how is life?'.. probably both would answer in unison 'sucks..'
there is probably little difference in how they feel about life.. journey's length notwithstanding..

so really.. probably life isn't about how many years you have down the road.. probably life isn't about how high you have climbed or how deep you have fallen.. probably life isn't about how many friends or
enemies you have made with.. probably life isn't about how many people attending and crying your funeral.. probably life is about.. knowing that whenever you are told you have reached the end of your journey, you can calmly say 'i've fought a good fight throughout this journey'..
n when asked in heaven 'how is life?'... you can simply answer 'great...'
n ultimately.. we know it's job well done when we meet God n ask him 'how had i been doing?' n He answers 'well done kid.. well done'
 
Posted by phoenix_chix at 10:02 AM | Add a Comment

July 7th, 2005

kimi ga doko...

i guez.. when u r so used to call n talk to the same fren everyday, everyday.. u will feel weird, as if something is missing, when that person is absent..
or does this has somethin to do with the cold aircon n the silent office i'm working in everyday..

my 2nd billy bombers meal yesterday, i juz luv their big burger.. tried their ying n yang which was basiclaly, meat n meat.. their flavoured cola was indeed interesting.. n the conversation we had was typical guyz talk.. typical gf-less guyz talk.. 
talked about this girl from NTU which is apparently, a high quality all rounder... which, strangely, doesn't interest me a single bit..
probably i don't think highly of myself.. but i've never had interest in all-rounders..
i like imperfection.. thats why i never really like western or indian beauty, those with nice eyes, nose, n everything.. i like asian, with their small but sincere eyes, their small but cute nose..
i don't fall for a girl who walk elegantly into a party room, throwing deadly smiles around, n from the beginning to the end, do everything perfectly n captivatingly.. i am, at most, infatuated with this kinda girl..
i fall for a girl who walk into the party room with her sincere nervy steps, who smiles at people with her childlike carefree smile, who ocasionally trip over on her way to her table, if she could ever find her way, who would not mind to be in an awkward position to help out a waiter who just accidentally slipped n made a mess.. i am, most likely, in love with this kinda girl..

but probably, im asking too much
Posted by phoenix_chix at 11:08 AM | Add a Comment

dan na ge ren bu shi ni..

sometimes.. 
i wish u r the one i can call when i feel like talking to someone
n i wish u r the one whose voice i want to hear when i am down
or i wish u r the one who i can ask to come n accompany me when its tough..
dan na ge ren bu shi ni..

i wish u r the one who know me more than anyone does
it doesn't  even matter if i am not the one you know the most
n i wish u r the one who remember me more than anyone does
it won't matter if i am not the one you remember the most
or i wish u r the one who cheer me more than anyone does
for heaven sake, i don't care if i am not the one you cheer the most
still...
na ge ren bu shi ni..
Posted by phoenix_chix at 02:39 PM | Add a Comment

July 12th, 2005

let's get it started

oh i miss listening to black eyed peas while working.. i need to buy an earphone i guez... i need to fix my crashed windows..i need to buy myself that lumix digicam.. i need to start taking pictures.. coz thats why i got no image in this blog..
i need to enroll myself in some kinda creative writing somewhere..
apparently google can't tell me where to get this kinda course in this city.. well.. taking CFA courses would be much easier..

went to hardrock cafe with my frens.. ex hi school mate.. doing some catching up.. there is this indo band performing.. warna warni..
not that creative for a band's name.. but they were not bad..
they were doing some nice dance moves n their voices are not bad..
the girl especially..
the guy was.. somekind of taufiq.. he could run for the next sg idol i think..
the other girl was tall, quite pretty, but so-so vocal wise..
they were so many malays that they even sang peter pan's mungkin nanti.. and that's the only song where most of the audiences sang along with them...
including me..
as much as i listen to western songs.. i don't really memorize their lyrics.. why? i guez that's bcoz i'm not learning any new word by doing so most of the times.. memorizing jay chou's song, however, will teach me many new words...

i thot sleeping at 3.30... i had no hope of waking up at 7... but ain't God sweet.. he got me all awake in the morning.. i didn't feel drowsy n i felt really good.. i'm sorry God for the things i've made.. when it's all about You.. i have so much to learn, so much to be forgiven..

saw this guy in the morning.. back from somewhere.. couldn't even walk straight n needed his fren to help him.. if that's how u define a man... i  beg to differ... i think getting drunk is anythin but being a real man..


Posted by phoenix_chix at 09:24 AM | Add a Comment

July 18th, 2005

so many things happenin.. vieira sold to juve, that was hurting, sellin ur captain at such a cheap price, but i am a gooner, n no matter who comes n go, im still proud of arsenal.. roll on new season!!

watched 'be with you' on friday.. despite others' so-so view on the movie, i loved the movie to bits.. i admit that i love jap movies to begin with, listening to their conversation is enough for me to feel happy.. but i think this movie really worth it.. if only jap girls are as simple as the ones portrayed in this movie..

went to my gud friend's sister wedding.. she was there, smilin ever so happily with her husband, no tears, simply sweet.. first time i went to catholic's wedding n i really like their traditions.. church of angels of st mary was such a nice church.. been stayin in bukit batok for 1 year n i never knew that.. anyway, really miss my time at bukit batok a lot.. things were much simpler back then, only fyp to think about, n lotsa time to spend in the swimming pool..

went to karaoke with few friends later on..martin's voice was as amazing as usual.. sometimes u really want that kinda voice but i guez, there's a limit to my ability.. stil.. i want to take course n work my voice out till its limit..
martin sang rite here waiting n i really like that part in the lyric that have something like 'next to never'.. n i juz thot that

'even if the moment i can finally hold ur hand is next to never.. i'd still take the chance of spending my forever with u'..

Posted by phoenix_chix at 10:10 AM | Add a Comment

July 22nd, 2005

the incomparable

something i wrote for our youth weekly newsletter

For all my life, I wanted so badly to be His little David, His little psalmist. So I wasn’t really impressed when He first whispered ‘be My little Moses, My little staff bearer’. No disrespect to Moses but I was thinking ‘How cool can little Moses be?’ So I decided to dig up on this guy and found out that I must have misheard God.

There can be miracle when you believe. Indeed a fitting song to be “Prince of Egypt’ soundtrack. After all, the tale of Israelites’ exodus from Egypt is arguably one of the greatest tales of miracles ever told in the Bible. What about Moses? He was considered one of the greatest leaders ever, leading 2 million Israelites out of Egypt. He was regarded as one of the greatest men of God ever, so favored by God that he even made a cameo appearance in New Testimony. But was he that great a person?

Let’s see. The first ‘great’ thing he did once he had grown up was to kill an Egyptian soldier and fled to Midian for 40 years. Not exactly smart. When he first met God, instead of the usual ‘Yes Lord, I will go’, he times and again showed his doubts despite all the signs God showed him. God was so mad at him that God eventually gave up and said ‘Okay, you win. Let you be like God and your brother, Aaron, be like the prophet to speak My words. He would speak to My people and Pharaoh. But take this staff with you to perform miraculous signs’. So Aaron was the ‘great’ leader we refer to apparently.

We can go on an on and we would never find a verse that tell us what Moses’ talents are. Whenever there was battle, Moses wouldn’t be out there on the battlefield, Caleb would. He didn’t defeat tens of thousand of soldiers like David did. When they almost reached Canaan, he, as the leader, was unable to convince the Israelites who listened to 10 cowards spies and cost them a great detour in the wilderness.

But here he was, the guy who saw 10 unbelievable plagues over Egypt happening, sea parting, manna falling from the sky, water coming out from the rock, and most importantly, the guy who saw and converse with God face to face every day. This was the man who Bible deemed as incomparable. Never had history seen such a man before and after Moses who had such an experience with God bar none. Alright, Jesus is an exception.

What is so special about him?

Probably it is his persistence. He persisted not to take another step unless God walk with him, not even angels are good enough for him. He persisted to see God’s glory that God finally gave in, did some trick to let him see His back. And most amazingly, he persisted that God erase his name from His Book of Life unless God forgave the Israelites. He was so persistent in his pursuit of God that he couldn’t be satisfied until he could interact with God the way best friends do. How could God not in love with him?

His journey with God has been one of the most romantic tales ever- A story of a man who, despite all his excellent education background and status in the past (hey, he was the prince of Egypt), was only called by God when he had already lost all his status and confidence. He was at the point when he thought he was a nobody, a stranger who was good for nothing. But this was probably what God told him when they first met: “You are just in perfect condition to be the vessel that I would use to do things people will talk about for thousands of years; things so great that none of your talents and background would help anyway. But your total surrender helps.”

Ever since he walked with Him, he got no skill, no talent, nothing to boast but faith in the staff that brought him thru and thru. The same staff that God gave him when they first met, the same staff that parted the sea, the same staff that, I believe, he hold onto dearly before his last breath. Never for one second had God stayed further from Moses than the staff did. After all, the Bible says, they are best friends.

Posted by phoenix_chix at 09:07 AM | Add a Comment

July 27th, 2005

love can be simple

my friend told us how he got into relationship recently.. how it all started off with a hepy betsdei call, n how a broken leg help, n how it can be that simple and sweet and easy to hold someone's hand...
though i've waited for years for that to happen to me..

i used to imagine.. make believe.. of a love story i gonna embark on.. a love story ful of twist and turn and lotsa climax.. something u could easily use to write a bestseller probably.. something u could tell ur granchildren times and again..

now.. though i still secretly wish for that.. i have consciously realized that after all, all i want is a simple and happy life.. walkin down the path with someone who love me and the other way around.. a hand to hold, a soul to embrace.. that's all...

and i envy you, and her, and him, and them.. for i've seen enough of this life and people.. and this world can essentially be boring..
i've yet to climb Himalaya but i guez i'm fine with that..
i've yet to make my first million but i'm also fine with that..
i've yet to write my first comic book, yet to complete my first wuxia novel, yet to feel the warmth of the land of rising sun.. but i'm also fine with that..

the only thing i am still curious about is that day when i find you...

and as i write till this point.. God whispers suddenly 'even the day you find her.. you should consider rubbish.. for you have found Me..'

rightly so God.. who compares to You? You are magnificent....

Posted by phoenix_chix at 01:36 PM | Add a Comment

July 30th, 2005

overblogged blogger

so i got officially 7 blogs now in which i am somehow involved.. moved my gooner diary to asiangooner.blogspot.com
added another phoenixsanctuary.blogspot.com for everythin that i could do with my hands, guitar, mouth, n heart..

but this tabulas blog will remain.. its my first blog.. thx to trisna for contributing in bringing me to write my first blog.. i love writing.. typing.. pouring out this emotion.. sure there are times when i juz feel like callin someone instead of typing here.. but for many reasons that someone doesn't exist..

this New Beginning Church, a new indonesian church, are inviting Giving My Best to do concert for 3 days.. i went for tonite's one.. n found out that their lead vocalist, Sidney Mohede, couldn't make it for tonite..

i was disappointed coz i've asked my new cell mate who in turns brought along so many friends with her.. i thot with Sidney around, they would've like it.. well.. this new cellmate of mine is new to all these Christian music..

but then i learned how guilty i was.. how could i fall for such a lame evil trap.. why seek human? isn't this all about God? humans are fragile n lame.. to think that You would take that cross for such a cause..

amazing...

Posted by phoenix_chix at 02:12 AM | Add a Comment